Irony

I typed "Zen" into a Google search earlier.

Define Irony: Searching the Internet for Zen.

I think there's a proverb somewhere about that which can not be found within... heh.

I don't know how to fix my stress levels lately. Last Fall really did a number on me. Maybe life has already stressed me so much that something as intense as that Perspective class and a straight determination not to procrastinate is beyond me at this point. I don't know, honestly. All I know is that I want to be able to relax and enjoy my life without constant worry, frustration, and fear. Fear is a big problem for me. Fear is the mind-killer. No wonder I can't think straight so often. I fear much. Losing my family. Losing friends. Being disliked, unloved, unwanted. Having no financial security. Having no health care. Having little hope of any of that changing any time in the foreseeable future. Sometimes I see movies where people are dirt poor and I feel better because at least we're not on the streets. But I know I wan more than this. I want to be able to experience this world. I want to be able to travel. I want to really live.

I constantly wish for things that I just can't have. Most of them are not material.

But what I need is to be able to be at peace. Fear and worry and panic aside. Adrenaline has been too much for me lately. Even video games are stressing rather than relaxing. So what can I do?