Why am I so stressed... I go to school part time, take care of a family and enjoy a lot of fun time.
I don't have so much more than most people. Is my coping really that bad?
I mean... I do have PTSD. So that probably worsens my ability to cope. But I don't accept that I'm just pathetic at coping with stress.
Maybe I expect too much from myself.
Maybe other people want too much from me.
Maybe I should just let go.
I wish I could just... take a real vacation. I mean... a true retreat. Get away from EVERYTHING for ... a couple of weeks to a month. Spend a month in a cabin in the mountains or off in the country.
Not even like... away from my family. Just ... away from my normal life. My normal routine. My normal work. My normal stressors.
I guess that's what people used to do when they were feeling this unwell. But now... it's not so simple. Going to a nice house somewhere far away isn't as simple as that. I don't have money to provide such experiences.
Planning and preparing for such a thing would be a stressor by itself.
My panic and stress responses are slowly becoming clear to me.
- I become manic and scattered.
- My attention span goes out the window.
- I become irritable and easily agitated.
- I panic easily.
- I get angry at what frustrates me or demands of me.
- I lash out when I feel something or someone is forcing me closer to stressors.
- I don't sleep properly at all.
- I get achey.
- My head aches.
- My heart rate increases, breathing becomes poor.
- I go between increased appetite and incredible lack of one.
- My focus shatters. Concentration and retention are crap.
- Feelings of being lost or not knowing what to do.
- Depression from mild lethargy to utter hopelessness.
- Alternately, Fight or flight responses: Tingly extremities, restlessness, faster breathing, less appetite.
- Being unable to sit still.
- Light-headedness.
- Increased fear.
- Fatigue
Well you get the picture.
I feel so alone and lost.
What do I do...
Stress relief ideas I've read about in the past few hours include:
- Breathe deeper, better
- Meditate daily
- More Exercise
- Candles, aroma therapy
- More Sunlight
- Work in 1.5-2 hour blocks, break at least 15 minutes between. Oscillate rather than dividing the day into large bits.
- Perhaps up my 5-HTP to twice daily
- Engage in novelty experiences. An article from wholeliving.com states:
"Your brain craves novelty, so switch to different tasks as your energy levels ebb and flow. "I call it one-, two-, and three-level thinking," says David Rock, author of "Your Brain at Work." "Level one is the surface stuff (deleting emails, for instance). Level two requires a little more focus. But level three, the deeper thinking, is what we need more of. It involves writing, creating, planning, and strategizing."
You can do your best level-three thinking first thing in the morning or when you're fresh from a break. Bar distractions as much as possible. Even just 30 interruption-free minutes, Rock says, can make you much more productive." - Observe something funny when feeling down and move back to work afterward.
- Take time to have no agenda. Do something with no goal. Just relax, enjoy and don't worry about the outcome or what you need to get done.
- Try to reduce all stress within 3 hours of bed including caffeine intake and get a good night's rest.
- Take care of yourself first. Too much energy out and not enough inward creates only emptiness and hunger.
- Create limits in order to feel free within them.
- Negative thoughts have to go...
- More music. Music makes me feel better.
- Being lonely does not. Monophobia sucks so very much.
- Stepping outside once in a while might not kill me. Door open at least.
I don't even know why I started writing this. I just needed something to talk to I guess. Maybe it will help me remember.